2019, a Review In Tweets
Late last year, I started doing a compilation of some of my best (mostly humorous) tweets that I made in 2019. For one reason or another, I never actually sent it. Possibly because Substack gives me an error message saying it’s “too long for email” and I’m not sure what will actually happen when I publish it, but seeing as I’m currently tweetsona non grata (six more days!), I thought I might as well dust it off and see if it will let me put it through.
It’s interesting reading this and being reminded of events from The Before Times, back before so much of the world ground to a halt and so much of the rest of it went completely off the rails. Don’t know if anyone else will find it interesting, but, eh. There’s definitely some gems in here.
January







Toy Story 4 @toystory
See Bo Peep in #ToyStory4 in theatres June 21. https://t.co/BihW5pkAoTFebruary




Jennifer Laughran @literaticat
Listen, I love fashion, and I have a particular nostalgic soft spot for the aesthetic of Chanel, despite myself. But honestly... given that the woman was a Nazi collaborator and noted anti-Semite, can we please stop making *children’s picture books* about her? Enough already.
Adam Conover @adamconover
When you "tip" an Amazon driver, the driver doesn't receive that money as a bonus. Instead, Amazon uses it to pay them the base wage they were already promised. This is an unfair and misleading practice that doesn't match anyone's understanding of a tip. https://t.co/65BsGoTNyh

March



Complex Pop Culture @ComplexPop
J.K. Rowling reveals Dumbledore and Grindelwald had an ‘intense' sexual relationship. https://t.co/cgs6LmUWXJ https://t.co/EGUjnJHptE

The Associated Press @AP
Facebook says its effort to provide users with local news is being hindered by a lack of original reporting. U.S. newsroom employment has declined by 45 percent as the industry struggles with a broken business model partly caused by Facebook's success. https://t.co/xFZUjOPVGM


Newsweek @Newsweek
Laura Ingraham guest says trans people will "destroy" gender norms to create "new species"—"Human and part machine" https://t.co/YP5xpgwNhm https://t.co/hUZ4ItuQ8s

April












May

Educated Savage 😈 @SaWdAKiNg
Ladies, what’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?

zane @zane
my favorite show in the entire world forgot a STARBUCKS COFFEE CUP ON THE TABLE WHILE FILMING https://t.co/60z3pOCfg9


ABC News @ABC
New York Mayor Bill de Blasio will release a video on YouTube announcing his campaign for president on Thursday morning followed by an appearance on @GMA. https://t.co/SxteBmAq2E
June

Axios @axios
Jared Kushner deflects when asked if he disapproves of Donald Trump's promotion of birtherism, saying he wasn't involved with it. @dctvny @hbodocs https://t.co/D2wINVHLIx
Fr. Kevin M. Cusick, LCDR (Ret.)🇻🇦 @IntroiboAdAltar
Ladies, a priest I know was forced on Sunday to ask a woman at Mass to cover her shoulders. Please help the priest to protect the purity of the men at holy Mass by choosing to dress modestly. The alternative is awkward for all involved. Thank you.

jesuschristgetouttathisplace @SOYS55889817
@ChaoticThey I find it amusing that the rules/definitions for sex/gender have become so numerous and convoluted that people who would be considered allies claw at each other over perceived slights for stuff that makes no sense in the first place. The “phobes” don’t even need to do anything!
The Hill @thehill
Bill Maher: "Vast majority of liberals" think political correctness has gone too far https://t.co/zJfXTa1fw1 https://t.co/9kU3kzbB8N



Myles Udland @MylesUdland
Schools named after Robert E. Lee are picking new Lee's to be named after to avoid costly signage changes. https://t.co/v6w1k6yyjx’

Charlie's Angels @CharliesAngels
Don’t judge a girl by her cover. Watch the #CharliesAngels trailer now - only in theaters November. 🎥🎶 https://t.co/EmUnrEUwtJ
July





August





Nerdist @nerdist
Disney is working on a #HomeAlone remake. https://t.co/6RET6oaoNr https://t.co/Y4m395bcih






September



The Chris Mosier @TheChrisMosier
JOURNALISTS: when you're writing a piece about a transgender person, it is unnecessary to use their former name (if they changed their name). That's called "dead-naming." "Dead-naming" is when someone says or publishes the name a transperson used prior to transition. 1/13
The Daily Dot @dailydot
Howard Schultz says he won't run for president because people were mean online: https://t.co/JSTVNKJbio https://t.co/Aqj6Rc3Ojb





DatPiff @DatPiff
Name a song that you downloaded from LimeWire. https://t.co/tdSRAmDKGe


October





November








🦋 gay monster aunt 🦋 @gaymonsteraunt
take movie quotes and replace a word in them with "gender" i'll start "i have altered the gender. pray i do not alter it further."






December



Ike Magnifico @IkeMagnifico
3. Would you want someone to give you $2 million right now, or would you want someone to show you how to earn $3 million?








Author’s Note:
As of this writing, I am still in “Twitter Jail” and unable to tweet or post links to my profile. If you the readers could please post a link to this post to help get it circulating in the wild, I would be much obliged.
Thank you for all the support and well-wishes (and subscriptions) you have sent me in this time!
I laughed all over again!